It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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