This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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