mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
