got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
