I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
