I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
