SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
