Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
