she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
