Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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