Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
