Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
