Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have started to decorate penises.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
