just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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