I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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