she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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