I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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