Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
