exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
