It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
