oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
