I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
