I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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