I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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