my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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