and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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