Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
