Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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