'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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