I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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