i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
