If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
