He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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