you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
