Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
