Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
