Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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