Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
