Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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