i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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