I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
did you just send me my own nude
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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