omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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