Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
