Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
