haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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