i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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