is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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