my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
