Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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