drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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