I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
