My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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