If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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