boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
