I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
