Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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