the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
