I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bring money and cleavage
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
