That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
