member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
