I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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