He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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