like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
