my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
