i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
