If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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