The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
