His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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