At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
