Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
